Condoms and Cucumbers was the title of tonight’s performance by Tom Stocks at the King’s Arms in Salford, as part of Greater Manchester Fringe 2026. Both items make a brief appearance, and one brave audience member was indeed invited to apply the former to the latter (and was allowed to take the cucumber home afterwards), but the real thrust of the evening was an extended exploration of masculinity and, more importantly, what makes a man a man.
It was well done.
The topics that arose included fat shaming, self-worth, self-esteem, upbringing, and, in that last regard, who is responsible: parents or teachers? Just being told to “Man Up” (by either) doesn’t work.
Humour and pathos featured in an unequal ratio of around 1:3, and corpulence (your reviewer has sympathy here) was an overriding feature, but the delivery was truly fantastic, being mainly in rhyme. It evoked memories of John Cooper Clarke, who is a Salford Lad, whereas Tom is just up the road from Bolton.
The format was novel. On each chair there were red and green cards that we raised in response to the questions posed, and there was absolutely no hiding in the back row (we tried). It was apparent that each performance throws up different answers, and an audience member was given the job of recording the evening’s “Rules”. Tom’s parents were in the audience too, but I doubt that limited things.
Being dissed as a karaoke performer opened the evening, and we were then given information on teenage “experiences”, where, amongst other revelations, holiday “happiness” could be found for €20.
Various costume changes took us through other self-denigrating anecdotes, all of them good, but towards the end though things took a slightly darker turn, and humour gave way to nationalism. This meant Englishness (the St George’s Cross had been raised), and we were asked if we felt proud to be so.
Most of the audience said yes, and one person in the front row gave a great response: Just because a very vocal, but equally minor group choose to use it to intimidate others, why should we not be. Others (the rule recorder included) dissented. It was a topic that deserved exploration in a show of its own, but we left it hanging there – perhaps wisely, given what’s happening when other flags are unfurled with seeming impunity.
The incidence of male suicide was also raised. Ditto, and I would judge Tom to be the perfect one to host a future, if somewhat darker event.
We closed with a rousing chorus (with Tom in Oasis garb) of Wonderwall. I was thinking Don’t Look Back in Anger might have been a better choice.
It’s a good show, and it brought to memory a very old song now almost forgotten except on the drag circuit, by Charles Aznavour (click HERE), and reinterpreted by Marc Almond HERE.
So, what does make a man a man? It’s for you to decide.
Paul Schofield for Canal Street Online.
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